You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
