Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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