So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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