Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
