ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
