bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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