So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
