Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
