thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
