I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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