I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So many bounce houses so little time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
