dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
