apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
