Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
