the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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