She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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