Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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