Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
