When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize