Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
