I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
