I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
