Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
