We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
