remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
