Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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