Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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