Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
