When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
