What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
