my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
