Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
