I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
