please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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