You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
