I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
