Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
