david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
