its not stalking. its research.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
