Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
