I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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