I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
