Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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