i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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