Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
