went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize