They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
