Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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