Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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