Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
