There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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