She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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