god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is Oprah even human
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
