Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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