if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
