i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
