You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
