Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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