Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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