i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
