Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
