Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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