So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They took my balls.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
