He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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