This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he puts the penis in happiness.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
