You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
