Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
