id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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