I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
