dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sober January is a disaster.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
