I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
