No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
