You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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